• Adam Anderson

Coffee, the Weird and Wonderful

'Oh, You Don't Know What a Flat White is?' - Part 2.


I’ll just say it how it is. Being stuck inside for so long is messing up my sleep pattern. This whole ‘working from home’ thing doesn’t help either. It blurs the line between business and pleasure.


Gone is the mindset of, ‘Oh well, it’s been a tough day, but at least I get to go home soon.’


Because, shock horror, you finish work and you’re still there.


I feel like I’ve set up a mattress in the office.


So, how am I dealing with this business-like, twilight-zone limbo?


Coffee.


The whirring hummmm of my espresso machine hasn’t paused for breath recently, much to my girlfriend’s disappointment. A while ago, she made me cut down on the black nectar. Something to do with being too jittery and unfocused and ‘I can hear your heartbeat from cross the room’ or whatever…


But I do love the stuff. Like, seriously love it. Probably a bit too much.


And, I enjoyed writing a little article about it last time.


So I think I’ll do another one.


Here’s some other types of coffee that probably haven’t been explained very well.


Cortado:


Confusingly similar to the flat white, this little guy is the white’s baby brother.


It uses the exact same type of velvety milk.


Except, this time, you get a smaller, sweeter, concentrated shot of espresso.


Latte:


It’s suddenly occurred to me, I’ve been talking about lattes and cappuccinos and all manner of silly coffee things as though everyone already knows exactly what they are.


But not everyone does. And that’s exactly why I’ve been writing these articles in the first place.


The snobby barista in me has been driving so far, but now it’s time to drag him off the wheel and lock him in the boot.


A latte (sometimes a 'Cafe au Lait') is a weaker, less intense shot of espresso put into warm milk. Nothing special about the milk either.


If you want, you could easily make one of these at home using instant coffee, milk, and a microwave.


Or a hob, if you’re feeling fancy.


Cappuccino:


Like a latte, this one's pretty common. But it's where we slowly crawl back into posh territory.


Instead of simple warm milk, it’s espresso put under a blanket of frothy/foamy milk.


Usually, it’s dusted with chocolate powder in a swanky pattern too.


Bit harder to make at home.


Turkish Coffee:


It may be something you’ve heard about, maybe even tried, but has never been explained to you before.


This one really is up there in the 'obscure' category.


Turkish coffee is surprisingly easy to make, despite how complicated it looks and sounds.


Coffee beans need to be ground into a very very fine powder, and are then added to cold water. The water is boiled either in a pan, or a traditional Ibrik (a small metal pot specifically made for Turkish coffee).


Whilst the coffee is boiling, add sugar.


The coffee should foam up, which is exactly what you want.


When it’s piping hot, pour it into a serving cup, making sure the coffee foam isn’t broken.


Turkish coffee should always be served black. More sugar optional, as long as you don’t break the foam!


You want it sweet, but intense.




Anything with ‘Coconut’ or ‘Almond’ in the title:


Just means it’s made with either coconut milk or almond milk.


Exactly as pretentious as it sounds.


Ferret Poop Coffee:


I’m sure many of you will have heard about this. Most people thought it was a joke.


Unfortunately, I’m afraid it isn’t.


It’s also one of the most expensive coffees in the world.


Known as Kopi Luwak, the coffee comes from the faeces of Asian Palm Civets.


The idea is that the civets are picky eaters, and only go for the highest quality coffee fruit. So, when the fruit is digested, they poo out the best quality coffee beans.


This means every single bean in the bag is the best that it can be.


So there you go. More weird and wonderful coffees for you to try out.


If this helped you, you’re very welcome.


If I was teaching you to suck lemons…


Well… shame that…

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